I need a break from all the monotonies that seems to be cramping my life. Like a typical Virgo, I get bored of things after a time. Thus, I always keep a lookout for newer aspects, newer horizons and newer colours in life.
Why am I talking about this?
The holidays last week gave me the opportunity to break away from the humdrums. I chose a quick escape to my friends in Delhi. So, there I was, in the city which had been my second home for nearly 5 years. And there they were… the familiar friendly faces whom I was missing dearly. My weekend was all planned and set.
There is a saying in Assamese which translates into, “What you plan doesn’t materialize because the one-eyed destiny stands in the way”. A bad news greeted me at the airport. A friend had met with a bike accident and he was admitted in the ICU. Sunday morning he expired. May he rest in peace.
We plan so many things for ourselves and for our near and dear ones. This friend had been planning to get engaged to his girlfriend of seven years by the year-end. Life is so cruel, so unpredictable and so short. All my friends and me were hit by a disastrous thunder bolt. We understood what a catastrophic life we all are living.
And it’s us who have been turning life into one catastrophic circus.
Let’s talk about me.
I realized that I have been living such a sad life. I always value my ego more than anything else. While in school, I had a little fight with a classmate who was also a very good friend. We didn’t speak to each other for a year. Finally, we broke the ice on the last day of the board examination. Now if I recall those times, that was such an idiotic phase. But again, we were kids.
But today as grown-ups, has anything changed? Not at all. In fact, all of us are becoming prouder and more egoistic as we are growing older. In my case, I am always extreme. If I like someone, I can go to any extent for that someone. But if I don’t, then I keep looking for an outlet to let out my wrath. I, my friends and non-friends, all of us are part of this humongous crazy circus. In the race to the top, we have become so cold-hearted that we don’t even look the lesser-privileged. Our problems are so small in comparison to many others.
Look at the struggles of Anna Hazare and Irom Sharmila. They are fighting for the survival of others while we are fighting like cats and dogs to outdo each other. We talk about supporting Anna’s crusade against corruption but how many of us will actually not try to bribe police after jumping signal or buy movie tickets in black. I have bought ticket in black many a times as I didn’t want to miss the movies and I didn’t even realize I was indulging myself in corruption.
In the last few days, I am seeing the world in grey-scale. I want to be happy but something has been keeping me restless. I am always irritated and bitter. Many are surprised the way I have become a quiet person. Trouble is I know I am changing and I am not at all fond of this sarcastic me. The friend’s death has made me realize the unworthiness of all the ego hassles. After that, I have apologized to a few persons whom I had offended. That has lessened a few burdens. And it didn’t matter whether everything has been sorted between me and those persons.
Yesterday, as I strolled in the rain, I was feeling a pain (the pain is still poking at my heart like a sharp pin). I have to see the world in colours... beautiful butterfly colours. So, in the endeavour to be a happy ‘Me’ again, I gorged on my favourite blueberry cheesecake. Yes, I was hoping that the sweetness will brim over life’s cup. And it did, to an extent.
I can’t turn into a new person overnight. At least, I hope to see life in a new brighter light. But I don’t see any point in planning the steps towards that. Just like I enjoyed the taste of the blueberry cheesecake, I will take life as it comes. Happiness quotient is there for everyone, even in the blueberry cheesecake. So, just savour each moment.