This is an eternal debate… the debate between men and women. About who is more selfish in the relationship? As a girl, I can go on blaming men, pointing out the negative points of the opposite sex. But today I am in a good mood to explain.
Many a times I have argued with guys who have several grievances against girls. They complain how girls show more interest in men with currency power. How girls can be manipulative in wooing the men they set their eyes on! How money can be a decisive factor in a relationship!
Yes, money matters honey!
But majority of us are not gold-diggers. Rather, we search for successful men.
Ambition to cement a strong position in the society; honesty, integrity, courage and the drive to follow and achieve that ambition, a few of the traits we look for in an ideal man. A few very vital traits.
Selfish it might sound, but this is the brutal truth. Of course, romance has to be there. We won’t go and get hitched to the first rich and successful man who comes across. Every individual will have his or her reasons for choosing to be with someone. Attraction, mutual admiration and respect, the thrill of romance and lust, all the elements are important. But above all, we want to be with a man who has earned our respect for the man he is.
A few of my friends recently got married, agreeing to arranged unions. They broke up with their boyfriends and decided to start life afresh with men selected by their folks. I was as much surprised by their decisions as their exes. When I asked them what went wrong with the relationships that had seen so many seasons together, their replies were mostly similar. Being in love is a divine feeling. They were so much in love that they were ready to wait eternally for the boyfriends to become financially secure. But the guys were not committed enough – neither to their goals nor to the promises they had made to their loves.
In the words of one of these friends, “He was not man enough to chase his dreams and convert them into reality. Money would have automatically flowed if he had guts to do what he wanted or rather, claimed he wanted to do. I had given him all the time in the world, promising that I would wait and thus, supporting him in all endeavours. But somehow, it was all talk and no show. He could not motivate himself. How long could I have waited? Today I am married to a respectable and successful man who can provide a secure future to me. He might not be the ‘Great Love’ of my life, but I respect him and so does my family.”
In today’s scenario, working girls like me won’t rely on a man to survive. I have grown up watching and admiring a strong lady like my mother who has never, till date, asked for even a sari from my father. She is a respectable doctor, just like my father. But we girls will always prefer to be with a man who is more educated, more successful and more responsible than us. We are not after the money, but after the man whom we can trust to be supportive if the need arises. The man who can pamper us if and when we want (come on, we girls love to be pampered!). The man whom we respect and whom the society respects.
I know many will find fault in my thought-process. And they are welcome to have their opinions (just like I have mine). After all, men and women will never agree on same points. The twain shall never meet. But rather than blaming women for behaving selfish, don’t you think you need to take a deeper look at the situation? Be a man, own up to yourself, stick to your goals and we will stick with you.