During a recent trip to my hometown, while on board the flight, I looked through the window at the horizon. There laid the boundless ocean of clouds. Serene and without any boundary. I felt like I had discovered the omniscient ocean of truth.
I was going through a really tough phase in my life at that time. I was feeling clueless about my life, about myself. I was losing something. But let’s not get into that. I am trying to close that chapter and there is no point in scratching the wounded surface. The point here is that in those melancholy moments, I searched for hope in the ocean of clouds.
Thus began an inner quest. The first thing that came to my mind was a paper boat. Remember those paper boats we used to sail in the puddles during the rains? It would sound silly and very filmy, but I really wished I could sail a paper boat in that ocean of clouds! May be I was wishing for simplicity after the crazy and complex times.
Anyways, then I began to reminiscence about the simple things I used to do at different stages of my life. When was the last time I had read a really good book? When did I last bake the chocolate cake which everyone loved? What was the last act of sweetness I had done that made my folks happy? I came to a conclusion that I have changed but certainly not to a better person. I have grown into a selfish and materialistic 21st century individual. But then again, I have definitely developed the capability to match up to the necessity of today’s life – ‘Survival of the fittest’. In the words of Gloria Gaynor, I can shout out easily, “I’ve got all my life to live, I’ve got all my love to give and I’ll survive.”
I can and will fight to live the life on the fast lanes. But that doesn’t mean I completely give up on enjoying the little acts of simple joy and leisure. For instance, I would love to go to those patisseries in the old lanes of Mumbai that serve the heavenly desserts and other comfort foods. I have been reading about them, saw a few in movies and yet, I have visited none. I do need to scout for first editions of many books in the old world. I am yet to learn a foreign language, especially Italian (such a sweet romantic sounding language). The plan to learn to tune a few strings has remained just a plan… despite having an excellent guitar player in my brother, I never managed to learn the instrument. May be this time around, I will sign up for guitar lessons (fingers crossed, or should I say, fingers clawed!). Then there are so many places which I want to visit. To begin with, I am yet to visit and soak in the beauty of exotic Tawang in Arunachal Pradesh, neighbor to my home state. These are just the first few pointers of the list.
Looking at the calm ocean of clouds, I thought of these ‘things to do’. I don’t know when I will spring to action in this regard, but the very thought of ‘living my life’ ushered in a ray of optimism. Rising above the milky-white clouds, the sun beamed at me as if symbolizing the happy thoughts. After a long time, a smile escaped my lips.